Volume 10, Issue 2: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Ted Bodgers

To Serve and Protect
During the decreasingly recent UPS strike, the president of Houston's Police Patrolman Union did himself proud. Terry Martin, the said prez, issued a memo to all 1,100 members of the union urging them to help out their union brothers and sisters by pulling over UPS trucks for anything they could. In our good friend Terry's own words: "We as union members should go into zero tolerance mode, and do everything possible to get that UPS scab truck off the road. . . go out there and deal with the scabs in the zero tolerance mode that all criminals deserve to be treated with." When questioned about the, um, questionable legality of what he was propagating he responded by stating that there was nothing illegal about such use of police power and pointing out that the union operates under its own policies.

All Ten?
The Sunday Times of London conducted a survey of 200 Anglican priests. For some reason, they had become curious as to how much their priests actually knew, and decided to find out. Each priest was asked to name all of the Ten Commandments. Now we all know that's a lot to ask of anyone, especially an Anglican. So we shouldn't be surprised when we learn that only thirty-four percent of the Order of the Orphrey could fulfill the requirements of this most intrusive survey. A few others put in a pretty good showing when the surveyor helped them out just a little wee bit. The restrictions remembered by pretty much everybody? That thing about not committing adultery, and the other one about not coveting your neighbor's wife. British church officials claimed that the priests hadn't really failed because it is substance and not words that count.

Bus' U Up
Pastor James Kiratu had himself one rough Sunday. Pastor James is the shepherd at the Soul Winning Salvation Church in Nairobi, Kenya. During an October 19 prayer time, he got jumped. A group made up mostly of women of the church began wailing, and then leapt upon their poor unsuspecting prey. That portion of the church that did not take part in the whippin' of Pastor James got down on their knees and prayed that God would judge the pastor. When police intervened it was discovered that the congregation suspected Pastor James of misusing a fifteen thousand dollar donation from a Swedish charity. Pastor James was treated for head and neck injuries at a local hospital.

Waiting for the Come Down
Rita Brown is an ordained Bishop in the "Baptist faith," and is the operator of Destiny Ministries. Her goal is to help equip women in ministry as well as the lay person by networking together to break down barriers and unite as a viable force to up-build the Kingdom of God. What really jerks Bishop Rita's chain is all the doctrines and barriers that divide God's people. Doctrinal divisions create bondage in Rita's book. "God is a coalition of a rainbow. All of us are each others brothers and sisters." Gender is one such barrier in the church and her message to women is this, "There ain't nothing but one God. When it comes down to the come down [referring to the second coming] we'll all be with Jesus. . . . There's no limit where you can go. Reach for it."

Squirrel Possession
In the somewhat questionable state of Ohio, there lives a Mary Clifton. Recently she won an unusual-pet contest in her hometown of Circleville. Her pet is the gray squirrel, Angele Nichole. Mary took Angele in off the street when she was but a small squirrel, and has cared for her ever since. Angele is even the proud owner of hand-crocheted outfits. And now we meet the bad men. Through the publicity of the contest, the Ohio Department of Wildlife discovered Mary and Angele. They demanded that Angele be turned over to experts in the field of releasing things into the wild. Mary refused and is now being charged with the possession of wild game without a permit.

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